I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
