Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
