We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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