does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
