Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
