I hate all girls vehemently.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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