Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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