My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
