I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
