Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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