Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize