I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
