I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
