Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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