that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
