I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
