so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
