There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
