Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
