and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
