Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
