barbara walters just said penis...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You ruined the universe
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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