Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
