WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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