I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
