Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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