someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I currently don't understand fingers.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
