It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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