Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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