I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
