I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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