Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
