Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
