She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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