Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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