Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
