do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
