I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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