So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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