I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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