I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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