The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize