i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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