i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
tell your sister to shave her snatch
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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