were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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