omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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