dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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