overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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