Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
