I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
