when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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