how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
