how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
