Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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