idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
