I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
