i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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