there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
