Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
