apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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