who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
