Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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