i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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