i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize