After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
