He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
