just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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